#33: Two Days Left of My Forties

Friday, May 15, 2015

Two Days Left of My Forties

The countdown is on.  

I have less than 48 hours remaining before I catapult into a new decade.

And how do I feel about this, you may ask.

Well, honestly, feeling a little melancholy.  In a way, it feels like New Year’s Eve a few months ago.  Yes, this is a milestone.  But, it also is another milestone that was to be shared with the man I loved.  We talked about being in Paris for my 50th.  Not that it would have ever happened, it really was just talk.  Another one of my dreams unfulfilled.  Another one of my dreams/hopes let go.

Quite honestly now, I think I would rather go to Italy anyway!  All the art I would like to see and experience, plus all the wine!!  So many of my girlfriends enjoy wine and know a lot about wine and have their own experiences of wine in Italy that I simply must return one day.  All the art that I didn’t appreciate when my sister and I travelled through Italy and 12 other European countries in the Summer of ‘85, I would not like to appreciate.

Some day.

I’m on the verge of tears these past several days.  I can feel it welling up.  Time for some long walks/hikes in the mountains and shed some of these tears.

I feel quite lonely.

I feel quite blue.

And I shouldn’t.  But, I do.

I went for a pedicure last night and have Red Hot Rio on my toes!  And then, after the pedicure, I fulfilled one of my dreams.  It took four long, hard years but I filled the gap in my smile.  I now have two complete rows of teeth.  A complete smile and a lovely little plate that I can snap in and out of place!  My first denture, if you will.

I just got off the phone:  Emergency girlfriend call to Calgary amongst the cars on the Dealership lot!  Tears, talking and then laughter.  Feeling better.  The recommended advice:  Crank up the music and dance around the apartment!  I can do that.  Thank you, oh great long-time girlfriend.  We lived together for one school year in London, Ontario, and have rapidly re-established ourselves in each other’s lives.  I do like the sound of a weekend in Calgary soon!

Feeling like I can now cope with the remainder of the day.

More later.