#24: AARRRGGG!

Friday, February 20th, 2015

AARRRGGG!

It is a gorgeous, sunny Friday here in Squamish.

And I am feeling thoroughly agitated!!!

I’m driving to work this morning, just a few metres away from the parking lot.  When all of a sudden I choke up.  Fighting back the tears.

Where is this coming from???  What’s going on inside???

And after a couple of hours (and some lovely texts back and forth between me and my oldest son), I now know what is bugging me.  

Money.  That is what is bugging me.

The endless stream of money going out.  The incredibly slow trickle of money available for savings.

The almost non-existent money available FOR ME TO GET MY DENTAL WORK DONE.

To be perfectly frank, I am pissed off that I still have this stupid bloody gap in my smile.  

It has been years, YEARS, that I have lived with this stupid bloody gap in my highly-valued smile.  YEARS.

And now, when I am earning some regular money, I have to keep prioritizing my tooth farther and farther down the priority list...AGAIN.  And again.

And although I know I said that I would take everything on for me and the kids with being the head of the family now, today I am royally peeved at the lack of contribution from the “other parent”.  I committed completely, 100%, to myself and to the children, that I would take care of everything.  No problem.  No worries.  And no change of heart on my part with this.  Never.

But today, I just feel the bubble ready to burst with financial responsibilities and demands.

Bloody hell, I want my tooth fixed!!!!

It is just an expensive time at the moment.  My daughter is off to England with her soccer team next month so that is a HUGE expense to deal with right now.  That, I know, is money that would have been put towards my tooth.  I don’t resent it.  It is a huge opportunity that I am glad to make happen for her.

My tooth has been on the back-burner for so long.  It finally had a chance to be dealt with, and then it got put off again.  Back and forth, back and forth.  And yes, there is anger (plenty of it today) directed towards that person who indirectly put the gap there in the first place.  Again, a lack of respect for what I valued.  Pushing away what matters to me.  Curses, curses, curses.

I think I need to go for a walk at lunch, in the sunshine, and swear my little heart out to the forest.

I need to SCREAM!!!!!!

Have an absolutely lovely day, everyone.  Spring is here on the West Coast.