New Year's Eve 2017

Sunday, December 31, 2017

It seems appropriate that 2018 will begin on a Monday; the start of a new week, new month, new year.

As I sit at my kitchen table, looking out upon the snow-covered landscape, my thoughts are beginning to formulate about strategies, intentions, desires for the upcoming 12 months.

A girlfriend wisely suggested that the use of the word 'intentions', rather than 'resolutions', would be more inspiring and helpful when one considers how the future could unfold.  I like that.  Intentions.  It has a much lighter connotation to it than 'resolutions'.  Somehow, guilt and begrudging are connected with resolutions.  Intentions takes the entire process to much a higher level of contemplation.  It actually puts a smile on the face.  Perhaps 'inspiration' is woven into its fibres, making it a much more palatable experience.

In any case, 2018 Intentions are where I turn my thoughts presently.

Various bits of paper are scattered upon the table.  Scribbles of notes, thoughts and ambitions scattered about upon those papers.  The object now is to coelesce everything into a workable regime and an easily adaptable application.  Yes, I hope to remove some elements my from current existence.  Yes, I hope to add new elements to my current existence.  Yes, I hope to enhance the elements that will remain.  Another appropriate word to describe this process, I suppose, would be 'evolution'.  The Evolution of Me could be a fine title.  Or, how to make me better than before is another good way to look at it. 

2017 has been a remarkable year for all sorts of reasons.  This time last year I was a complete emotional mess.  The full impact of leaving my marriage, facing the demons that caused the demise of the marriage, and recoving from those impacts took all my energy and focus for the first half of the year.  I did hit rock bottom in March.  There is no denying it.  I did, however, slowly crawl back out of that bleak abyss to feel the sun's warmth on my face again.  At the same time, I wrote, and wrote, and wrote.  I wrote until I had a very rough, but completed, draft of a manuscript.

I am proud to say that I have examined, analyzed, reconciled and made peace with all that tormented me.  It was hard work, but I wanted and needed to do that work.  Everything that I knew in advance that had to be worked through for the betterment of me, was worked through.  The fundamental reason for writing it all out in the first place was met with stupendous personal success.  Yay for me!

What I will actually do with the manuscript now is unknown.  Various eyes have read through the pages and the common comment is that more words and more details are required to truly pull it together.  I am not certain, at this moment, if I really want to do that.  I do not know if I have it in me to dig deeper.  I do not know if I have it in me to keep turning to the past.  Part of me wants to simply, and cleanly, walk into the future without remnants from the past coming with me.  I want all of my life now to be for me (and my children!).  The best of the past will always remain with me.  I have no room for reminders of the worst.

For the past month or so I have been diligently working on a new path for me; a path which should be confirmed within the next couple of days.  The beauty of this new endeavour will require me to bring the Best of the Past to the table.  I am thrilled to, hopefully, be doing something so fitting given all that I have learned and understood over the past 12 months.  So much of what I am seeking might be found along this new path.  It feels right.  It will feed my soul.  I'll fill you in when everything is arranged!

As a 52-year old woman, who is the mother of three young adults, I am anticipating great adventure in the upcoming weeks, months and years.  Not just in 2018, but in the years that will follow.  Given my age, and the intentions running around in my mind, these adventures and new paths should turn out to be quite hilarious, liberating and, surprisingly, reassuring.  It is these crazy mid-life adventures that I now wish to focus on here.  I've learned from the past, but I wish to write about the present and future.   Wish me luck!

For 2018, I wish only the absolute best for each and every one of the mysterious readers of this blog.  May your intentions fill your soul, and may you find a reason to have a good hardy laugh each and every day!

Happy New Year.

Sleep Report

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

How well did I sleep last night?

My wind was restful.  The funk had passed.

My tummy, on the other hand, was a bit topsy turvy.  Lack of discipline in the evening had me consuming some chocolate, too close to bedtime.  Such indulgence always produces a restless slumber.

Will I ever learn?

Do What Is Right For You

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

After tossing and turning last night, I awoke in a funk.  This funk was oppressive, as if an invisible force field was pushing down, bit by bit, upon me.  Perhaps it was the weather; dark, grey and very, very rainy.  Perhaps it was the typical turmoil of too many thoughts racing around my mind.  I felt flat; uninspired; almost lost.

Then I went to yoga.

Right across the street from my cozy apartment, a new yoga studio recently opened its doors.  I have committed to a one-month introductory pass to not only investigate this yoga craze, but to also jumpstart my overall physical well being.  The plan is that within a 30-day period, as many classes as possible will be attended.  Not only will my awareness and knowledge of yoga increase, but perhaps the overall tone of my muscles might increase too!

Since last Monday (November 6th), I have been to 5 classes.  My flexibility is improving; my muscles are not stiff and sore; and I am becoming more conscious of my breathing (as if giving birth to three children was not lesson enough on how to breathe!).

While my mind whirled around its funky self this morning, I walked across the street, entered the studio and opened myself up for whatever revelation might present itself.    At the centre of my thoughts was my recently completed manuscript.

Let me explain:  For the past eleven months, I have been undertaking a project of self-reflection.  Haunted by ghosts of the past, the time was taken to stare down those ghosts and gain perspective of my previous life as 'wife'.  I wrote a memoir.

The long and the short of the writing project was that clarity, perspective and peace were achieved with great success.  The process of writing out my thoughts, emotions and analyses in the form of a memoir was absolutely invaluable.  At times it was not an easy task, and tears streamed down my face as certain memories were recalled.  At other times, memories produced bursts of laughter and rapid texts were sent to my children declaring, for the umpteenth time, how much I loved them!

46,000 words later, I burst across the finish line and happily announced that the manuscript was completed (first draft, mind you).   Phew!  I was extremely proud of my accomplishment.

That was back in August.  Since then I have been to a writers festival, met so many amazing people in the book world, forwarded the manuscript (completely unexpectedly) to two publishers, and have had three different people read some, if not all, of the manuscript.  After all of this, the next step was looming:  Revision.

So, I wrapped my mind around the fact that I had to return to the keyboard.  I started work on Chapter 1.  I got about halfway through it when everything simply shut down.  I felt as if I was walking in concrete (a feeling I had felt before during my time as 'wife').  There was absolutely no enthusiasm for the process any longer.

That literary 'shut down' happened yesterday.  I could not focus.  I could not make myself dive back into the pool of decades-old memories.  I was forcing myself to write.  Enthusiasm was at an all time low for this project.  No wonder sleep came in fits and starts last night.

While at the yoga studio this morning, lying on my back at the end of class, rooting myself to the floor, an observation was noted:  I was no longer certain what this manuscript was too achieve.

The reasons for writing in the first place were twofold:  First and foremost, I was writing for Me.  Secondly, I was writing for the one other woman out there who would be helped/inspired/encouraged by my words.  From here the dream flowed: A manuscript would lead to a publishing deal; which would lead to speaking engagements; which would lead to another book.  And so on, and so on.

Yes, my own personal thoughts and reflections have been written down; self-directed therapy, if you will.  The next step, however, involves place a literary cap on my head and fully expanding on all those original thoughts and reflections.  More details, more insights, more words demanded by a not-yet-known publisher and reading audience. 

The simple fact is that I am not quite ready, at this moment, to put more, more and more into the manuscript.

This morning's yoga class made me realize that it is okay to put my writing on the back burner for now.  The manuscript is done.  46,000 words have been written.  I can move forward from that whenever I choose, and whenever the timing feels right.  I took the pressure off myself and felt so much better afterwards.

This afternoon, I felt so incredibly light and content.  I had obviously made the correct decision (which is why I took myself out for tea!).  Here was, yet again, proof of why we all should keenly listen to our inner voices.   'Do what is right for you' is what my inner voice was telling me.  I like what it said, and followed its advice.

The world is making a bit more sense today.

I'll let you know how well I sleep tonight!

What Have I Been Doing?

Saturday, November 11, 2017

On this solemn day, I find myself tapping away at the keyboard, watching the crows flying back and forth from the trees outside my dining room window.  The sun is finding open patches in the clouds from which to send forth its rays of light. 

Forward progress is slowly being made with my manuscript.  Two amazing ladies have read either portions of the manuscript, or all of it!  Consistent and constructive comments have been offered so back at it, I go.  More words are one of the recommendations.  20,000 in fact.  Hmmmmm.   

Being childless for the weekend, a quiet at-home working environment provides the setting for a 24-hour writing blitz.   Plenty of tea, water and the odd break away to either the yoga studio across the street, or a jog along the river, will keep me fresh.

11 o'clock, however, will be the time for reflection.  Always remember.

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM

By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead: Short days ago,
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved: and now we lie
In Flanders fields!

Take up our quarrel with the foe
To you, from failing hands, we throw
The torch: be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die,
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

Another First!

Monday, October 16, 2017

Well, I did it!

A few moments ago, upon invitation, manuscripts were submitted to two different publishers.

What an achievement!

I will try to keep the exclamation marks to a minimum.

This past weekend, I both attended and volunteered at the Whistler Writers Festival.  What an amazing event.  Authors of all sorts, and those who help authors get their books out there for others to read, were in attendance.   Such a diverse collection of individuals.

Much was learned, fabulous contacts were made, and after sitting in on a speed-dating version of manuscript pitching, I was invited to submit my Strong As Steel manuscript.  Twice!

I have absolutely no idea what, if anything, will materialize.  But, it is a start.

One thing was made perfectly clear during the past four days:  There is much to figure out when it comes to publishing.   So many different paths to take, so many options, so many goals to define.  The best question asked of all attendees:  What is your vision of success?

The answer to that question helping to establish your publishing path.  Now, to figure out that path!

For today, book-related matters are done.  Now it is time to make some soup, get some bread rising, and get myself outside for a good long walk/jog/explore in the rain.

Happy Monday, Everyone!

My First ...

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Wow.  That was a first!

I just got off the telephone with a consultant from a Publishing House.

Oh my gosh.   What a hoot!

Yesterday I spent time at my desk looking into publishing options and publishing companies.  I even put it out on Facebook to see if friends had helpful wisdom to share.  After that, I went to the library to do some research on editing, publishing and such stuff, and attended a book reading by a local author.

I actually felt semi-informed when chatting with this kind gentleman.

So much information to process.  So much learning to be done.

It is time to dig in deep and find out just what the various options are, and how those options will best fulfill my dream.

It is all so very exciting!

I have one week to educate myself some more before we speak again on the telephone.

Yahoo.

This is going to happen.

Keep an eye out for Strong As Steel.

Happy Wednesday, Everyone.

Publishers

Monday, August 28, 2017

Today I began compiling a list of potential publishers.   The next step in the process.

Just because the first draft of the manuscript is completed does not mean that the work has ended.  Turning that manuscript into a published book will be, so I have heard, just as hard as the writing.

It's all very exciting, though.  Something new to learn about.  Something new to strive for.  Something new to accomplish.

Bring it on.

Let's do this!

Happy Monday, Everyone.