It seems appropriate that 2018 will begin on a Monday; the start of a new week, new month, new year.
As I sit at my kitchen table, looking out upon the snow-covered landscape, my thoughts are beginning to formulate about strategies, intentions, desires for the upcoming 12 months.
A girlfriend wisely suggested that the use of the word 'intentions', rather than 'resolutions', would be more inspiring and helpful when one considers how the future could unfold. I like that. Intentions. It has a much lighter connotation to it than 'resolutions'. Somehow, guilt and begrudging are connected with resolutions. Intentions takes the entire process to much a higher level of contemplation. It actually puts a smile on the face. Perhaps 'inspiration' is woven into its fibres, making it a much more palatable experience.
In any case, 2018 Intentions are where I turn my thoughts presently.
Various bits of paper are scattered upon the table. Scribbles of notes, thoughts and ambitions scattered about upon those papers. The object now is to coelesce everything into a workable regime and an easily adaptable application. Yes, I hope to remove some elements my from current existence. Yes, I hope to add new elements to my current existence. Yes, I hope to enhance the elements that will remain. Another appropriate word to describe this process, I suppose, would be 'evolution'. The Evolution of Me could be a fine title. Or, how to make me better than before is another good way to look at it.
2017 has been a remarkable year for all sorts of reasons. This time last year I was a complete emotional mess. The full impact of leaving my marriage, facing the demons that caused the demise of the marriage, and recoving from those impacts took all my energy and focus for the first half of the year. I did hit rock bottom in March. There is no denying it. I did, however, slowly crawl back out of that bleak abyss to feel the sun's warmth on my face again. At the same time, I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I wrote until I had a very rough, but completed, draft of a manuscript.
I am proud to say that I have examined, analyzed, reconciled and made peace with all that tormented me. It was hard work, but I wanted and needed to do that work. Everything that I knew in advance that had to be worked through for the betterment of me, was worked through. The fundamental reason for writing it all out in the first place was met with stupendous personal success. Yay for me!
What I will actually do with the manuscript now is unknown. Various eyes have read through the pages and the common comment is that more words and more details are required to truly pull it together. I am not certain, at this moment, if I really want to do that. I do not know if I have it in me to dig deeper. I do not know if I have it in me to keep turning to the past. Part of me wants to simply, and cleanly, walk into the future without remnants from the past coming with me. I want all of my life now to be for me (and my children!). The best of the past will always remain with me. I have no room for reminders of the worst.
For the past month or so I have been diligently working on a new path for me; a path which should be confirmed within the next couple of days. The beauty of this new endeavour will require me to bring the Best of the Past to the table. I am thrilled to, hopefully, be doing something so fitting given all that I have learned and understood over the past 12 months. So much of what I am seeking might be found along this new path. It feels right. It will feed my soul. I'll fill you in when everything is arranged!
As a 52-year old woman, who is the mother of three young adults, I am anticipating great adventure in the upcoming weeks, months and years. Not just in 2018, but in the years that will follow. Given my age, and the intentions running around in my mind, these adventures and new paths should turn out to be quite hilarious, liberating and, surprisingly, reassuring. It is these crazy mid-life adventures that I now wish to focus on here. I've learned from the past, but I wish to write about the present and future. Wish me luck!
For 2018, I wish only the absolute best for each and every one of the mysterious readers of this blog. May your intentions fill your soul, and may you find a reason to have a good hardy laugh each and every day!
Happy New Year.
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