STRONG AS STEEL

Thursday, January 26, 2017

STRONG AS STEEL

For the past several years, I have rather sarcastically described myself as "strong as steel".  Most of the time it was uttered silently to myself.  On rare occasions it was vocalized in a confident, yet playful, manner to my former husband.  When uttered to him, it was typically in reference to how mentally strong I had become after sailing the North Pacific for 7 years with him and our three children.  

The true foundation of my personal motto, however, can be traced to the very inner core of my being.  There are reasons why I am strong as steel.  There have been many, many incidents (too many, in fact) where I have had to make a choice:  Succumb or Survive.  To succumb to the forces that were trying to mould me was not an option.  Survival, clearly the only path to choose, was held onto with steely determination and uncompromising and unyielding endurance.  

As the Greenpeace banner hanging over the White House yesterday clearly stated:  Resist.  For me, I had to resist the overwhelming forces (both emotional and physical) that were being directed at me with such intensive purpose.  I resisted these forces with every fibre and micro-fibre of my being.  I was not going to give in.

The result, after years (yes, YEARS) of exposure to such a dichotomy of emotions (love and pure rage), was an inner strength forged by my sheer determination to endure and survive.  I was not going to allow the onslaught of blame, anger, love and adoration to strip away everything that made me, me.  I was not going to have myself erased or obliterated so that another individual could triumph.  After years of someone else successfully taking away parts of me, I simply was not going to allow that person to take all of me.  

That's where the steel comes in.

Yes, I was exposed to this behaviour for years.  I have no answer as to why I took it, or even why I took it for so long.  The perfect time to resist, however, did eventually arrive.   On that particular day, there was absolutely no looking back.  I boldly took the steps to extricate myself (and my children) from that toxic environment.  I boldly took the steps necessary to re-claim my life.  I boldly took the steps necessary to re-claim MYSELF.

That's where the steel comes in.

Sailing on the open ocean taught me to be strong in order to survive the uncontrollable forces of the ocean.  

Elements of my marriage taught me to be strong in order simply survive.  

And I survived.  

And I walked away.  

I found a place for my children and I to live.  I found a job.  I paid the rent and put food on the table.  I handled the leftover financial matters from the marriage myself.  I handled the divorce myself.  I cried and cursed and lamented in the forest whenever I had to ('cuz the forest can take it!).  I handled all of this MYSELF.

Strong as steel.

My divorce has been finalized for 11 months now.  

My resignation was tendered two weeks ago to my (now, former) employer.

The first romance I have had since the end of my marriage wrapped up two days ago (on my initiative).  

All this may appear to be examples of me shutting out the world.

Nothing could be further than the truth.

This is me being Strong As Steel.

This is me standing up for myself; standing up for my core values; standing up for what I truly believe; standing up against compromise and the fear of settling.  

This is me setting an example for my children.  Demonstrating to them that this is my life; a life filled with the elements that mean the most to me; a life that is truly the life I want it to be; and demonstrating to them that I am truly the person I want to be.

With my recent decision to end my romance, many consultative conversations were had with many girlfriends prior to the actual day of breakup.  Back and forth, pros and cons, what do I really feel and what do I really want?

A common thread become apparent during these conversations.  I was congratulated and admired for staying true to myself; for truly recognizing and knowing what I wanted in my life; for standing up for what I believed in and what I wanted; for being brave enough to walk away from seemingly secure scenarios and individuals;  for being brave enough to step out on my own...again.

Strong As Steel.

This is now where I am:  51 Years old, Unemployed, Unattached, Single Mother of three young adults, Car loan, No financial assets to speak of, No financial security at all.

Despite that list, I am happy!   I am free!  I am once again in my life going after exactly what I want in my life.  

And you can, too.  

Do not ever doubt that.

Each one of us is capable of accomplishing anything and everything.  

My intention is to help you realize that.  

We all have been, and will be, faced with challenges that seem impossible to overcome.  Different challenges will test us in different ways.  Some challenges will be more intense than others.  Yet, in every instance, if you believe in yourself, truly believe in yourself and all that you represent to yourself, then you will succeed.  You will surmount those challenges and carry on at a new, and hopefully happier and more fulfilled, level of existence.  

You are strong as steel, too.

I am going to be here, writing something every day.  I may recount some part of my history.  I may vent my own frustrations and fears.  I may divulge what inspires me, and that may inspire you as well.

I am here.

I am hoping to connect with you, on any level.

If I can help you to be that much stronger on any given day, then that is my reason for being here.  

I want to inspire, to include, to be a force that makes you stronger, more confident, more capable ... more YOU.

Strong as steel, baby.

Strong.  As.  Steel.

(Tomorrow I will explain the title of my blog, "49 and Feeling Fine"!)

Stay tuned.