Hello, Pacific!

April 3, 2018 (Aboard the Star Princess cruise ship)

I am back out on the open ocean.

It may be a gigantic cruse ship upon which I float, but float it does on the salty Pacific waters.

How do I feel?  How is it to be back out on waters that I have sailed?

It feels fantastic!

The ocean wind that whips the face, leaving its salty remnants upon my skin, has bought me home.

It seems as if I have two homes; two places where I feel comfortable and at peace.  The mountains, and the ocean.  Who would have thought it?

The Mighty Pacific is shining in all her late afternoon glory.  The swell is calm (although it is difficult to gauge from eight cruise-ship- decks up), and all looks fair and friendly.  She is welcoming me back.  I feel her power.  She knows I respect her.  She knows she humbled me years ago.  She knows.  She knows.  And, I know, too.

It is, however, a slightly different comfort than the alpine.   I love the alpine.  I do.  My soul soars when I wander the alpine.  It is a fresh and lively adoration.  It is a place I have sought out for myself.  No one else took me there.  I longed for it in my core.

The ocean was shown to me by someone else.  Another individual brought me to the ocean and introduced me to her.  I did not bring myself to the ocean.  That is one difference.

Another difference is that I have been forever humbled by the ocean.  I have yet to be humbled by the mountains.  I have yet to be in a tumultuous alpine situation that has put me at risk.  I have not had to say to the mountains “It is not my time to die”, as I have with the ocean.

The awe, respect and unequivocal admiration I hold for the power of the mountains is no different for the ocean.  Both are so very much the same, yet slightly, and pleasingly, different.  

What brings me to the ocean today?  How do I find myself on a cruise ship?  A Princess cruise ship?  My 84-year old father admitted several months ago that he was no longer up to travelling; an announcement that caused great consternation for my 80-year old mother who is still keen to pull out her passport and pack a bag.  As a good daughter would, I volunteered to be my mother’s travel companion.

As cruising (a la cruise ship, not a la blue water cruising) is the most logical form of travel for an octogenarian, research indicated that a 7-day cruise from Los Angeles to Vancouver, appropriately named the Pacific Wine Country cruise, would have us travel in the same time zone and have me back home in time to pack up and head out for a 5-month contract in the Rockies.

It is sheer coincidence that this cruise will offer a reverse order of some of the ports of call my family made while cruising southbound along the coast of North America.

We departed from Los Angeles an hour ago, with the late afternoon sun still in the sky.  Tomorrow morning will have us anchor in Santa Barbara for a day of Spanish cultural exploration.  I can't wait to be back in Santa Barbara.  My camera and I are going to have such fun.

A full 36-hours at sea will bring us into San Francisco for sunrise and another full day at port.  The second day at sea will bring us farther north to Astoria.  Then it will be time for the return into BC waters via the mighty Juan and beautiful Georgia (Juan de Fuca and Georgia Straits respectively) for a day in Nanaimo (of all places!) and a quick overnight passage into Vancouver.  A pretty nice itinerary all round.

We have acquainted ourselves somewhat with the endless array of amenities onboard.  Food galore (I think there are at least 5 dining rooms and countless other food establishments depending upon your gastronomic desires...pizza, hamburgers, 24-hour buffet, ice cream, pastries).  I haven't a clue how many bars and lounges there are!

This is a very different style of cruising than the style I know!

This is nautical enjoyment on a different level, but one that I can adapt to for the next seven days.

Bon Voyage.

52-Year Old Adventures!

Friday, April 20, 2018

I am going on an adventure.

This 50-something-divorced-mother-of-three-young-adults is going on an adventure.  I will be in the grand company of Me, Myself and I for five whole months.  As one of my kids exclaimed the other day, "Mum is finally leaving home".

As you know, the past four years (four!) brought about many changes in my life.  I left my husband of 20 years, established a new home base for my family of four, launched myself into a new industry in order to pay the bills, reconnected with just about every woman I have ever known in my life, and, not surprisingly, had a complete and utter emotional meltdown.

From deep down in the emotional trenches, I clawed my way out, dealt with tumultuous emotions, wrote a memoir manuscript, got sad, got angry, gained clarity, and finally made peace with it all.  2017 was one heck of a year.

By the end of the summer, after writing continuously for five months (and spending some amazing time in the mountains), I proudly declared what was important to me and what was important for me to have in my life.  Children, girlfriends, mountains, nature, honesty, laughter and love being the primary and uncompromising components.

The question of how best to pay the bills became yet another component upon which I refused to compromise.  For most of my adult life I worked in the Adventure Tourism industry.  Shortly after moving to Vancouver from Toronto, post university, I worked for an expedition river rafting outfit.  It was at this outfit that I met the man I eventually married.  For eight years we successfully operated our own river rafting outfit directly from our dining room office and driveway.  Then we went sailing.  Upon returning to the same town after eight years on the Pacific, the rafts were dusted off and launched back onto the river.  In 2014, after five years of business re-establishment, I left my husband.

The post-marital, two-year foray into the automotive industry made one thing abundantly clear to me:  I wanted, and needed, to be back in the adventure tourism industry.  For it is within the adventure tourism industry, specifically the river rafting industry, that my heart belongs.   It is also within the rafting industry where my values allign with how I earn my money.

A project undertaken at the end of 2017 attempted to get me back into the industry I loved so much (heck, my children were raised in the rafting industry!).  I had successfully managed my own rafting outfit for 12 years.  Surely, I had some marketable skills for another outfit; skills for which they would be willing to pay.  The rafting industry in British Columbia is pretty big.  There are many rivers within our beautiful province.  The question was where exactly would I like to work?  What part of the province held the biggest draw for me?  The answer was so utterly obvious:  The Rockies!

After sending out letters of introduction and resumes to various outfits, I secured a contract that returns me to an area of the world I hold very dear.   In less than two weeks, I will load up my highly reliable Jeep with all the personal and outdoor gear needed for a summer in The Rockies!  I am going back to the river and I am going back to the mountains that mean so much to me.  Look out Kicking Horse...here I come.

Since stepping into the world of 'being my own woman again', I have held nothing back.  I have exposed myself to the core and realized that all I really want in life is to be true to myself.  To do, to think, to feel how I want.  No compromises.  No second guesses.  Just straight forward and succinct honesty.  This is how the rest of my life is to be.

What is important to me now, as a 52-year old (!), is to break free.  Break free of my current geographical position; break free of daily motherhood demands and expectations (no offense, kids); break free of the chapter of my life that has long closed out and into a world where I have only myself to think about.

I am 52-years old and I am breaking free.

Yahoo!

The next five months are all about me.  Me, me, me, me, me.  What I want to do.  Where I want to go.  Experience what I want to experience.  And only be accountable to myself (and my employer, of course, when I'm working).

I can hardly wait.

Every so often we have to shake up our worlds, or even turn it completely upside down.  Sometimes we may shake up our worlds ourselves, sometimes it is involuntarily thrust upon us.  Either way, at some point, it will be in our own best interest to seize this amazing opportunity.  Life isn't over because I am divorced.  Heck, no.  This is my second chance.  I am going for it with eyes and mind wide open.  I can hardly wait!

My departure date is May 2nd.  I am taking 10 days to explore the open road between my home town of Squamish and my new town of Golden, BC.  I am going to stop when and where I want, take myself for walks, take lots of photographs and write about it all.

So please stay tuned for the (hopefully) hilarious summer adventures of this 52-Year Old Woman.

Happy Friday, everyone.

(this photo was taken by somebody else)

50-ish And Feeling Fine

Friday, March 30, 2018

Since posting began 3 1/2 years ago, the name of my blog has evolved, properly reflecting how I felt at different points in time. 

Initially, "49 And Feeling Fine" suited my life (and blog) to a T.  I was 49 years old when the first words were typed.  And, indeed, I felt fine!

Then, as time went on and personal matters were approached, examined, analyzed (and I turned 50), "Strong As Steel" better reflected my frame of mind.  A steel inner core upheld me while my past was torn apart.

After a good solid year spent reflecting on the past two-and-a-bit decades, I excitedly look forward to new and upcoming adventures.  Although my steely inner core will forever strengthen and bolster me, it now seems a bit too cold, a bit too rigid, a bit too serious and a bit too in-your-face for how I feel today.

Today, I laugh, smile and gaze up at all sorts of amazing and wonderful examples of beauty.  I feel light-hearted and full of optimism.  It is now time for the blog title to evolve once again.

Today, who I am is properly reflected in "50-ish And Feeling Fine".

I hope you are fine as well.

Questions and Answers

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

A few months ago, while visiting a girlfriend, a book was brought to my attention.

Have you heard of The Book of Answers, by Carol Bolt?

Well, my goodness, it is simply amazing.

This is how the book works:

First, concentrate on a question which requires an answer; an answer that will offer you some sense of inspiration or direction.  Then, while holding the book between your two hands, pose that question to the book.  Next, run the pages along your thumb and when the time is just right, stop at that particular page.  Look at the words written on that particular page.  There is the answer to your question.

Clever, isn't it?

This past Christmas many girlfriends received The Book of Answers from yours truly.  Life is full of questions and sometimes we need help finding the answers.

Let me give you an example.  Today, I asked the following question to the book:

               Will I return to the manuscript?

The answer I randomly came upon stated the following:

               Keep An Open Mind

That, to me, was very encouraging.  My interpretation was that yes, I should keep the door open and continue to work (at whatever pace) on my memoir manuscript.  That I should not simply give up on it.

Lately, I have taken to writing down my questions and answers.  It has turned into a daily exercise.  If nothing else, it gets the neurotransmitters firing about various possibilities.

I highly recommend trying it for yourself.

Do it more than once a day.  Do it as many times as you like.  Apparently, it makes a great parlour game at dinner parties!

I plan to take my book with me when I head out on an adventure later this spring (more about that particular adventure tomorrow).  I will be meeting new people, in a somewhat new, yet familiar, environment.  This book will be a great ice breaker with colleagues and new friends, and a guiding force during this time of independence. 

The most valuable lesson, I think, is to keep asking questions; keep wondering what is going on in your life, and what might go on in your life (and what did go on in your life...aye, there's the rub!).   Be curious.  Coming upon the answers to your questions is so incredibly enlightening and satisfying.  To finally figure out the answers to some of Life's more daunting questions is eye-opening, mind-opening and likely to put a huge smile on your face.

I'm smiling right now.

Happy Tuesday!

And So, The Adventure Begins

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Today on the telephone, after two previous hour-long conversations, an agreement was struck.  An agreement that will see me travel beyond my current residence in order to fulfill responsibilities in a new employment situation.

In other words, I landed myself a job!

Actually, the word 'landed' is not quite right.  'Created' is the better word.

After realizing what is important to me with how I earn a paycheque, letters of introduction and resumes were sent out to establishments that I deemed worthy of my enthusiasm and expertise.  Eight such letters were emailed.  Of those eight, four responses were received.  One essentially said 'thanks, no vacancies, but we will keep you on file.'  Another said to contact again in the new year when they would begin looking at 2018 staff.  A third response indicated interest but offered no real follow-up.  The coup de grace was a quick response saying 'we should talk'.

Over the past three weeks, three separate telephone conversations/meetings have been had between myself and the co-owner of an adventure tourism outfit.  That is all that has occured.  We have not met in person.  Yet, after approximately three hours of conversation, of learning about each other's background, of getting to know each other and getting along with each other, of being straight up honest and clear about intentions and hopes, a brand new position has been created in their operations for little 'ole me.  It was the classic case of perfect timing.  They were not seeking out someone for such a position, but when my letter and resume landed in their Inbox, then thoughts instantly began to whirl with how well-timed and well-suited this all could be.

What is it, you may ask?  What's the job?  Where is the job?

Once I receive a more formalized agreement in the next day or so, then details will be divulged.

For now, I am absolutely thrilled with this new opportunity.  It will take me down a path that I have wanted to re-travel.  It will be familiar enough to feel comfortable, yet different enough to be exciting.  It will also take me back to a region that I absolutely love, which also thrills me to bits.  I was once in this region many, many years ago during a summer at university.  Returning to this region at this stage of my life, with a greater level of appreciation and self-awareness, will feed my soul to the absolute brim.

The hilarious adventures of a 52-year old woman are about to begin.

Stay tuned for further details!

A Change Is In The Air

January 1, 2018

Happy New Year, everyone!

To start off this incredibly exceptional year (at least that is how I am envisioning 2018), I feel as if a slight adjustment needs to be made.

This blog started off as "49 And Feeling Fine", then evolved into "Strong As Steel".  I am sensing yet another evolution of sorts is coming down the tracks.  For all the steely strength that has been discovered, uncovered and reinforced these past months, I now feel as if those three words require some refinement, or outright change.

I will never deny my strength and capacity to endure, but not break, under pressure.  I will know that for the rest of my days.  It just feels rather cold and unyielding.  And I do not feel cold anymore.  I feel quite content and happy.  Steel is not something one thinks of when content and happy!

I am not sure what this new title will be:  evolution is taking place and the final form has yet to be created.

Right now, today, I happily admit that I am a 52-year old woman who is on the cusp of something exciting.  Exactly what that 'something' is has yet to be finalized.  It is in the works, nonetheless.  A change in the wind is coming, and a la Mary Poppins, that means a change in life as well.

For now I shall stick with Strong As Steel while options are being considered.

Happy 2018.

New Year's Eve 2017

Sunday, December 31, 2017

It seems appropriate that 2018 will begin on a Monday; the start of a new week, new month, new year.

As I sit at my kitchen table, looking out upon the snow-covered landscape, my thoughts are beginning to formulate about strategies, intentions, desires for the upcoming 12 months.

A girlfriend wisely suggested that the use of the word 'intentions', rather than 'resolutions', would be more inspiring and helpful when one considers how the future could unfold.  I like that.  Intentions.  It has a much lighter connotation to it than 'resolutions'.  Somehow, guilt and begrudging are connected with resolutions.  Intentions takes the entire process to much a higher level of contemplation.  It actually puts a smile on the face.  Perhaps 'inspiration' is woven into its fibres, making it a much more palatable experience.

In any case, 2018 Intentions are where I turn my thoughts presently.

Various bits of paper are scattered upon the table.  Scribbles of notes, thoughts and ambitions scattered about upon those papers.  The object now is to coelesce everything into a workable regime and an easily adaptable application.  Yes, I hope to remove some elements my from current existence.  Yes, I hope to add new elements to my current existence.  Yes, I hope to enhance the elements that will remain.  Another appropriate word to describe this process, I suppose, would be 'evolution'.  The Evolution of Me could be a fine title.  Or, how to make me better than before is another good way to look at it. 

2017 has been a remarkable year for all sorts of reasons.  This time last year I was a complete emotional mess.  The full impact of leaving my marriage, facing the demons that caused the demise of the marriage, and recoving from those impacts took all my energy and focus for the first half of the year.  I did hit rock bottom in March.  There is no denying it.  I did, however, slowly crawl back out of that bleak abyss to feel the sun's warmth on my face again.  At the same time, I wrote, and wrote, and wrote.  I wrote until I had a very rough, but completed, draft of a manuscript.

I am proud to say that I have examined, analyzed, reconciled and made peace with all that tormented me.  It was hard work, but I wanted and needed to do that work.  Everything that I knew in advance that had to be worked through for the betterment of me, was worked through.  The fundamental reason for writing it all out in the first place was met with stupendous personal success.  Yay for me!

What I will actually do with the manuscript now is unknown.  Various eyes have read through the pages and the common comment is that more words and more details are required to truly pull it together.  I am not certain, at this moment, if I really want to do that.  I do not know if I have it in me to dig deeper.  I do not know if I have it in me to keep turning to the past.  Part of me wants to simply, and cleanly, walk into the future without remnants from the past coming with me.  I want all of my life now to be for me (and my children!).  The best of the past will always remain with me.  I have no room for reminders of the worst.

For the past month or so I have been diligently working on a new path for me; a path which should be confirmed within the next couple of days.  The beauty of this new endeavour will require me to bring the Best of the Past to the table.  I am thrilled to, hopefully, be doing something so fitting given all that I have learned and understood over the past 12 months.  So much of what I am seeking might be found along this new path.  It feels right.  It will feed my soul.  I'll fill you in when everything is arranged!

As a 52-year old woman, who is the mother of three young adults, I am anticipating great adventure in the upcoming weeks, months and years.  Not just in 2018, but in the years that will follow.  Given my age, and the intentions running around in my mind, these adventures and new paths should turn out to be quite hilarious, liberating and, surprisingly, reassuring.  It is these crazy mid-life adventures that I now wish to focus on here.  I've learned from the past, but I wish to write about the present and future.   Wish me luck!

For 2018, I wish only the absolute best for each and every one of the mysterious readers of this blog.  May your intentions fill your soul, and may you find a reason to have a good hardy laugh each and every day!

Happy New Year.