Happy Mother's Day, To Me!

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Happy Mother's Day, To Me!

I am here.  The official check in took place yesterday afternoon at 4pm.  I met my employers at Wild Water Adventures and got a tour of the river base.  It may be quiet right now, but it will turn into a hive of activity soon enough with enthusiastic rafters, top notch guides and a riverbase crew that will help keep everything ticking over nicely.  I have every confidence that we will all have an absolute blast together this summer.

Apparently my official title is 'Reservations Manager', with the unofficial title of Adventure Mom.  I'll take both, thank you very much.

I can now say without hesitation that I am back in the rafting industry.  The preliminaries are complete (job offered and accepted), and now I am here to actually get to work.  Today is my first work day in goodness knows how long (16 months?).  I've packed a lunch and 3 litres of water 'cuz I haven't a clue how long we will be at the base putting everything together.

Two momentous returns have been made in my life recently.  A return to the rafting industry, and a return to The Rockies.  I have to say that everything feels amazingly right.  Walking through the riverbase yesterday, seeing the gear, was so familiar.  I know this business.  I lived and breathed it and raised my children in it (both before and after their childhood on the ocean).  And the Rockies, just the same as they did back in 1987, welcomed me and made me feel loved.

To top it all off and put the icing on the cake, Golden and the Columbia Valley knocked my socks off!  Yesterday, as I drove through town to do some exploring and grocery shopping, I marvelled at how this small mountain town made me instantly feel comfortable.  I think I will really get to like this place.  The Columbia Valley is massively wide and surrounded by mountain ranges that carry off far into the distance.  I adore the setting.  It is a mountain town, but it is not closed in by the mountains.  There is such a feeling of wide open space. 

Spring is just popping out here (compared to the coast which popped a month ago) and the smell of cottonwood floats in the air.  I love that I can enjoy two springs this year!

Everything feels right.  This mother is very happy and content.

Now to put on my grubby clothes and help get a riverbase unpacked!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there.

Aren't we wonderful?!

On The Road

Friday May 4, 2018

I am officially on the road!

The town I lived in for the past nine years, and for a total of 17 years, is now firmly located in my rearview mirror (the town, that is, not the people in that town!).  I broke free, and it feels marvellous.

A few kilometres beyond the townsite, I stopped at a roadside lookout which commanded a spectacular view of the town, valley, river and surrounding mountains.  I collected my phone, travel mug full of tea, and a new journal given to me from a girlfriend, perched myself on a concrete block and looked out, one last time, upon a town that was home for so long.  Needless to say, many tears were shed.

I was actually surprised at the emotion that bubbled up, or rather the depth of emotion that bubbled up.  That I would cry was not unexpected.  I felt the tears building over the past week.  The surprise was in the sobs rising from deep down inside my core.  While my new world took shape these past four years, and a strong foundation was built for my children and myself, I remained geographically stationary.  This step of changing my geographical location is truly the final step in my recovery and reclamation of myself.  I am moving on to somewhere new out of choice, out of emotional necessity, and out of pure desire.  This is what I want for myself.  This is what I need for myself.  Again, it is all about breaking free.  So of course, there were tears.

The end of my marriage came about in three stages:  First, on the day that I physically left my husband (July 18, 2014); second, on the day the divorce was finalized (February 22, 2016); and third, on the day I drove out of Squamish toward my new life (May 2, 2018).  Sitting on that concrete block two days ago, sobbing out loud to those oh so familiar mountains, I said my final good-bye to the man I married back in 1994.  My life has now completely moved away from anything that we shared. No longer will I live in the town where we were newlyweds, raised a family and built a business.   I am venturing out into new territory that only I am exploring.   My companions this time, rather than a husband and children, include a cute, cuddly polar bear (see photo above) and several other small yet highly significant stuffed animals.  With these, I will travel new roads and old roads, see new sights and old sights, and put the final pieces in place for my life.

I am 52 years old, and I feel mighty fine.

One More Sleep

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

ONE MORE SLEEP

Tonight is my last sleep in my own bed, in my own apartment.  At least my last sleep here for a few months.

Tomorrow morning, I load up my loveable Jeep and start driving eastward toward the Canadian Rockies.

The day of departure has finally arrived.

This 52-year old woman (eghads, soon to be 53!) is hitting the open road.

I knew this day would come when the job offer was accepted way back in January.  I have been chomping at the bit for four months to get this show on the road.  My patience, admittedly, has run out.

Tomorrow I will watch as the town in which I have lived for the past nine years disappears in my rearview mirror.  In a blink of an eye, Squamish will fade into the background.  It is time for me to relocate.  I need to dig my heels into new soil, walk new trails, look at new mountains.

I have lived a total of 16 years in this town.  I need someplace new to call home.  The beauty that so many people ooh and aah over here in the Sea To Sky Corridor is mostly lost on me now.  What I need now is simply 'new'. 

Several girlfriends have described my upcoming summer adventure as a retreat of sorts.  Besides upholding the responsibilities of a fulltime job, I will have only time to concentrate on me.  All other typical responsibilities of my life will fade, like the town, in the rearview mirror.  Of course, my children will text and call with questions and updates, but the daily grind of being Mum will not be present. 

I am so looking forward to taking care of just me.  Of having the space to commune only with myself.

I need this adventure, this summer.

It is to be the summer of the 3 R's:  Rivers, Rockies and Writing (ignore the silent 'w', please).

But, for now, right at this moment, it is time to sleep.  I must wake up feeling refreshed, ready and raring to go!

Look out Rockies, I'll be that much closer to you this time tomorrow.

Happy May 1st, everyone.

Hello, Pacific!

April 3, 2018 (Aboard the Star Princess cruise ship)

I am back out on the open ocean.

It may be a gigantic cruse ship upon which I float, but float it does on the salty Pacific waters.

How do I feel?  How is it to be back out on waters that I have sailed?

It feels fantastic!

The ocean wind that whips the face, leaving its salty remnants upon my skin, has bought me home.

It seems as if I have two homes; two places where I feel comfortable and at peace.  The mountains, and the ocean.  Who would have thought it?

The Mighty Pacific is shining in all her late afternoon glory.  The swell is calm (although it is difficult to gauge from eight cruise-ship- decks up), and all looks fair and friendly.  She is welcoming me back.  I feel her power.  She knows I respect her.  She knows she humbled me years ago.  She knows.  She knows.  And, I know, too.

It is, however, a slightly different comfort than the alpine.   I love the alpine.  I do.  My soul soars when I wander the alpine.  It is a fresh and lively adoration.  It is a place I have sought out for myself.  No one else took me there.  I longed for it in my core.

The ocean was shown to me by someone else.  Another individual brought me to the ocean and introduced me to her.  I did not bring myself to the ocean.  That is one difference.

Another difference is that I have been forever humbled by the ocean.  I have yet to be humbled by the mountains.  I have yet to be in a tumultuous alpine situation that has put me at risk.  I have not had to say to the mountains “It is not my time to die”, as I have with the ocean.

The awe, respect and unequivocal admiration I hold for the power of the mountains is no different for the ocean.  Both are so very much the same, yet slightly, and pleasingly, different.  

What brings me to the ocean today?  How do I find myself on a cruise ship?  A Princess cruise ship?  My 84-year old father admitted several months ago that he was no longer up to travelling; an announcement that caused great consternation for my 80-year old mother who is still keen to pull out her passport and pack a bag.  As a good daughter would, I volunteered to be my mother’s travel companion.

As cruising (a la cruise ship, not a la blue water cruising) is the most logical form of travel for an octogenarian, research indicated that a 7-day cruise from Los Angeles to Vancouver, appropriately named the Pacific Wine Country cruise, would have us travel in the same time zone and have me back home in time to pack up and head out for a 5-month contract in the Rockies.

It is sheer coincidence that this cruise will offer a reverse order of some of the ports of call my family made while cruising southbound along the coast of North America.

We departed from Los Angeles an hour ago, with the late afternoon sun still in the sky.  Tomorrow morning will have us anchor in Santa Barbara for a day of Spanish cultural exploration.  I can't wait to be back in Santa Barbara.  My camera and I are going to have such fun.

A full 36-hours at sea will bring us into San Francisco for sunrise and another full day at port.  The second day at sea will bring us farther north to Astoria.  Then it will be time for the return into BC waters via the mighty Juan and beautiful Georgia (Juan de Fuca and Georgia Straits respectively) for a day in Nanaimo (of all places!) and a quick overnight passage into Vancouver.  A pretty nice itinerary all round.

We have acquainted ourselves somewhat with the endless array of amenities onboard.  Food galore (I think there are at least 5 dining rooms and countless other food establishments depending upon your gastronomic desires...pizza, hamburgers, 24-hour buffet, ice cream, pastries).  I haven't a clue how many bars and lounges there are!

This is a very different style of cruising than the style I know!

This is nautical enjoyment on a different level, but one that I can adapt to for the next seven days.

Bon Voyage.

52-Year Old Adventures!

Friday, April 20, 2018

I am going on an adventure.

This 50-something-divorced-mother-of-three-young-adults is going on an adventure.  I will be in the grand company of Me, Myself and I for five whole months.  As one of my kids exclaimed the other day, "Mum is finally leaving home".

As you know, the past four years (four!) brought about many changes in my life.  I left my husband of 20 years, established a new home base for my family of four, launched myself into a new industry in order to pay the bills, reconnected with just about every woman I have ever known in my life, and, not surprisingly, had a complete and utter emotional meltdown.

From deep down in the emotional trenches, I clawed my way out, dealt with tumultuous emotions, wrote a memoir manuscript, got sad, got angry, gained clarity, and finally made peace with it all.  2017 was one heck of a year.

By the end of the summer, after writing continuously for five months (and spending some amazing time in the mountains), I proudly declared what was important to me and what was important for me to have in my life.  Children, girlfriends, mountains, nature, honesty, laughter and love being the primary and uncompromising components.

The question of how best to pay the bills became yet another component upon which I refused to compromise.  For most of my adult life I worked in the Adventure Tourism industry.  Shortly after moving to Vancouver from Toronto, post university, I worked for an expedition river rafting outfit.  It was at this outfit that I met the man I eventually married.  For eight years we successfully operated our own river rafting outfit directly from our dining room office and driveway.  Then we went sailing.  Upon returning to the same town after eight years on the Pacific, the rafts were dusted off and launched back onto the river.  In 2014, after five years of business re-establishment, I left my husband.

The post-marital, two-year foray into the automotive industry made one thing abundantly clear to me:  I wanted, and needed, to be back in the adventure tourism industry.  For it is within the adventure tourism industry, specifically the river rafting industry, that my heart belongs.   It is also within the rafting industry where my values allign with how I earn my money.

A project undertaken at the end of 2017 attempted to get me back into the industry I loved so much (heck, my children were raised in the rafting industry!).  I had successfully managed my own rafting outfit for 12 years.  Surely, I had some marketable skills for another outfit; skills for which they would be willing to pay.  The rafting industry in British Columbia is pretty big.  There are many rivers within our beautiful province.  The question was where exactly would I like to work?  What part of the province held the biggest draw for me?  The answer was so utterly obvious:  The Rockies!

After sending out letters of introduction and resumes to various outfits, I secured a contract that returns me to an area of the world I hold very dear.   In less than two weeks, I will load up my highly reliable Jeep with all the personal and outdoor gear needed for a summer in The Rockies!  I am going back to the river and I am going back to the mountains that mean so much to me.  Look out Kicking Horse...here I come.

Since stepping into the world of 'being my own woman again', I have held nothing back.  I have exposed myself to the core and realized that all I really want in life is to be true to myself.  To do, to think, to feel how I want.  No compromises.  No second guesses.  Just straight forward and succinct honesty.  This is how the rest of my life is to be.

What is important to me now, as a 52-year old (!), is to break free.  Break free of my current geographical position; break free of daily motherhood demands and expectations (no offense, kids); break free of the chapter of my life that has long closed out and into a world where I have only myself to think about.

I am 52-years old and I am breaking free.

Yahoo!

The next five months are all about me.  Me, me, me, me, me.  What I want to do.  Where I want to go.  Experience what I want to experience.  And only be accountable to myself (and my employer, of course, when I'm working).

I can hardly wait.

Every so often we have to shake up our worlds, or even turn it completely upside down.  Sometimes we may shake up our worlds ourselves, sometimes it is involuntarily thrust upon us.  Either way, at some point, it will be in our own best interest to seize this amazing opportunity.  Life isn't over because I am divorced.  Heck, no.  This is my second chance.  I am going for it with eyes and mind wide open.  I can hardly wait!

My departure date is May 2nd.  I am taking 10 days to explore the open road between my home town of Squamish and my new town of Golden, BC.  I am going to stop when and where I want, take myself for walks, take lots of photographs and write about it all.

So please stay tuned for the (hopefully) hilarious summer adventures of this 52-Year Old Woman.

Happy Friday, everyone.

(this photo was taken by somebody else)

50-ish And Feeling Fine

Friday, March 30, 2018

Since posting began 3 1/2 years ago, the name of my blog has evolved, properly reflecting how I felt at different points in time. 

Initially, "49 And Feeling Fine" suited my life (and blog) to a T.  I was 49 years old when the first words were typed.  And, indeed, I felt fine!

Then, as time went on and personal matters were approached, examined, analyzed (and I turned 50), "Strong As Steel" better reflected my frame of mind.  A steel inner core upheld me while my past was torn apart.

After a good solid year spent reflecting on the past two-and-a-bit decades, I excitedly look forward to new and upcoming adventures.  Although my steely inner core will forever strengthen and bolster me, it now seems a bit too cold, a bit too rigid, a bit too serious and a bit too in-your-face for how I feel today.

Today, I laugh, smile and gaze up at all sorts of amazing and wonderful examples of beauty.  I feel light-hearted and full of optimism.  It is now time for the blog title to evolve once again.

Today, who I am is properly reflected in "50-ish And Feeling Fine".

I hope you are fine as well.

Questions and Answers

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

A few months ago, while visiting a girlfriend, a book was brought to my attention.

Have you heard of The Book of Answers, by Carol Bolt?

Well, my goodness, it is simply amazing.

This is how the book works:

First, concentrate on a question which requires an answer; an answer that will offer you some sense of inspiration or direction.  Then, while holding the book between your two hands, pose that question to the book.  Next, run the pages along your thumb and when the time is just right, stop at that particular page.  Look at the words written on that particular page.  There is the answer to your question.

Clever, isn't it?

This past Christmas many girlfriends received The Book of Answers from yours truly.  Life is full of questions and sometimes we need help finding the answers.

Let me give you an example.  Today, I asked the following question to the book:

               Will I return to the manuscript?

The answer I randomly came upon stated the following:

               Keep An Open Mind

That, to me, was very encouraging.  My interpretation was that yes, I should keep the door open and continue to work (at whatever pace) on my memoir manuscript.  That I should not simply give up on it.

Lately, I have taken to writing down my questions and answers.  It has turned into a daily exercise.  If nothing else, it gets the neurotransmitters firing about various possibilities.

I highly recommend trying it for yourself.

Do it more than once a day.  Do it as many times as you like.  Apparently, it makes a great parlour game at dinner parties!

I plan to take my book with me when I head out on an adventure later this spring (more about that particular adventure tomorrow).  I will be meeting new people, in a somewhat new, yet familiar, environment.  This book will be a great ice breaker with colleagues and new friends, and a guiding force during this time of independence. 

The most valuable lesson, I think, is to keep asking questions; keep wondering what is going on in your life, and what might go on in your life (and what did go on in your life...aye, there's the rub!).   Be curious.  Coming upon the answers to your questions is so incredibly enlightening and satisfying.  To finally figure out the answers to some of Life's more daunting questions is eye-opening, mind-opening and likely to put a huge smile on your face.

I'm smiling right now.

Happy Tuesday!