On The Road

Friday May 4, 2018

I am officially on the road!

The town I lived in for the past nine years, and for a total of 17 years, is now firmly located in my rearview mirror (the town, that is, not the people in that town!).  I broke free, and it feels marvellous.

A few kilometres beyond the townsite, I stopped at a roadside lookout which commanded a spectacular view of the town, valley, river and surrounding mountains.  I collected my phone, travel mug full of tea, and a new journal given to me from a girlfriend, perched myself on a concrete block and looked out, one last time, upon a town that was home for so long.  Needless to say, many tears were shed.

I was actually surprised at the emotion that bubbled up, or rather the depth of emotion that bubbled up.  That I would cry was not unexpected.  I felt the tears building over the past week.  The surprise was in the sobs rising from deep down inside my core.  While my new world took shape these past four years, and a strong foundation was built for my children and myself, I remained geographically stationary.  This step of changing my geographical location is truly the final step in my recovery and reclamation of myself.  I am moving on to somewhere new out of choice, out of emotional necessity, and out of pure desire.  This is what I want for myself.  This is what I need for myself.  Again, it is all about breaking free.  So of course, there were tears.

The end of my marriage came about in three stages:  First, on the day that I physically left my husband (July 18, 2014); second, on the day the divorce was finalized (February 22, 2016); and third, on the day I drove out of Squamish toward my new life (May 2, 2018).  Sitting on that concrete block two days ago, sobbing out loud to those oh so familiar mountains, I said my final good-bye to the man I married back in 1994.  My life has now completely moved away from anything that we shared. No longer will I live in the town where we were newlyweds, raised a family and built a business.   I am venturing out into new territory that only I am exploring.   My companions this time, rather than a husband and children, include a cute, cuddly polar bear (see photo above) and several other small yet highly significant stuffed animals.  With these, I will travel new roads and old roads, see new sights and old sights, and put the final pieces in place for my life.

I am 52 years old, and I feel mighty fine.