Friday, February 22, 2019
I just had an amazing walk in the forest!
A massive, MASSIVE breakthrough was experienced as I walked the snow-covered trails in the forest.
It was the falling snow that prompted me to get out, not a need to take it to the forest (my personal motto when emotions and thoughts tumble around in my mind and need sorting out). I love walking in the snow. So out into the snow I went.
As is usual on the BC coast, the snow today was quite wet. Huge flakes were falling; more like clumps of snow rather than individual flakes. Every minute or so (seriously) I had to brush the snow off my jacket. It accumulated that quickly!
The first portion of the walk was straight down a street to the very end (it's a fairly long and level street) to one of many, many, many trailheads in the area. No major thoughts churned about in my mind at this point. I was simply enjoying the peacefulness that comes with a blanketing of snow. The sidewalk and street were just as I like them: unploughed. There is something very satisfying walking in untouched snow.
Once on the actual trail, there was instant elevation. Winding through the trees I stopped regularly to look up and really see the forest (and catch my breath). It is so easy to keep one's eyes downcast, and watch where your feet go. I love stopping and looking up. There is a world of beauty up there, so look at it! With trees and trail draped with a couple of inches of snow, it was definitely a winter wonderland scene.
As the trail levelled out and widened, and I no longer needed to pay attention to where my feet were, the usual thing happened. I started talking to myself! An imaginary interview was being conducted (upon publication of my memoir, of course) and I was chatting about how I reconciled airing my family's dirty laundry, so to speak. This has been quite an obstacle for me lately, so talking out loud about it, in the forest, was the equivalent of a therapist's couch, or an evening with girlfriends.
My discussion carried on for quite a while along the trail; no one else was around. Suddenly, as if the blinds in a darkened room sprang up without warning, my world instantly became lighter and brighter.
I had always given credit to my former husband for the successes of our family. That I played only a supporting role, following his lead on everything. While walking in the forest this morning, and talking out loud to the trees, I (finally) acknowledged that I did not merely 'follow', but that I was a full-blown, 100% participant in the success of my family. Yes, many of our family initiatives were because of his vision. That is undisputed. Up until an hour ago, I was always hesitant to claim any credit for all the wonderful things we did and experienced. What happened in the forest, with no warning whatsoever, was me giving myself the acknowledgement I was hesitant to give.
Because of this epiphany, I now see my past roles as wife and mother as a full partner, rather than merely as a sidekick.
My family was not the successful family it was because of him. It was successful because of us. The two of us, together, created this incredible family. I did play just as important a role as he did. And, I will never doubt that again.
The continued success of my family since July 18, 2014 has been solely due to me. I have never questioned that fact. But it sure is a relief to be able to say that we equally created everything in our life, together. He was no more important than I. That those adventures he led us on were my adventures, too; not just something I watched from the sidelines.
Ownership of the part I played in my marriage has now been realized.
Holy smokes. That's HUGE!
As soon as this revelation hit me, I hugged the nearest tree. I took that moment in as I needed to.
When I set out from my front door on the morning walk, I had no inkling that there was an underlying need to take something to the forest. Thanks to that forest, I feel so much lighter, so much more focused, and so much more proud of myself than I have felt in a while.
Yay for me!
#TakeItToTheForest
Happy Friday, everyone.
